My first birth was traumatic and I ended up having a C section against all my wishes.

‍

Yes, I was happy I had my daughter and she was healthy but I felt forced, rushed and unsupported. Recovery was very rough. I had a hard time connecting with my daughter. I didn’t feel like I gave birth to her. I was pretty down about the birth experience for a long time!

‍

When I got pregnant with my son, I knew that there was no way I was going to have the same experience as last time. I was determined to have a healing VBAC.

‍

"She told me how everything is up to me and that I have to give consent."

‍

A lady from a facebook group (Margo from Louisiana) randomly reached out asking about my birth experience. Margo was black and I felt comfortable with her, especially with how black women are treated around childbirth. There was also the fact that I couldn't find a black doula in my city.

‍

She told me how everything is up to me and that I have to give consent. I thought it would be a good time to make a detailed birth plan to give to the midwives. After sending the birth plan to the midwives, I sensed a change of energy.

‍

My team of midwives started to be unsupportive of my decisions, dismissive of my wishes and tried to manipulate me into a hospital birth; I felt like they wanted to get rid of me. They finally said at 37 weeks that they do not feel comfortable helping me outside the hospital. They told me I was a good candidate for VBAC and none of the reasons were because of medical concerns; just personal issues.

‍

They removed my choice of a homebirth or a birth center birth! I felt dismissed, heartbroken, scared, betrayed. My husband made me feel better, he said f*** then, we can do this.

‍

On a Freebirth Facebook group I found an encouraging community. I didn’t think I could do freebirth at first but listening to the Freebirth Society Podcast gave me confidence. Margo was going to help us virtually. I didn’t tell my mom or anyone else of our plan because I didn’t want anyone to project their fears on me. I felt a sense of calm.

‍

"My husband made me feel better. He said F*** them! We can do this!"

‍

The day my active labor started, I lost more of my mucus plug. The body is so in tune with stress! Contractions were 3 min apart. I got stressed about my daughter being home and contractions slowed to 10 min apart. As soon as my mom came to pick her up, contractions were back to 3 minutes.

‍

During the night, I first played some meditating music and Margo encouraged me. I got my husband to do a double hip squeeze during each contraction for me. The contractions got more intense. I was texting Margo throughout the night while my husband slept to rest. Early morning, another call with Margo. My water just fell non stop, huge non stop gush I was so shocked.

‍

9:59 am: CAN’T DO IT STAGE: As I was in the tub I message Margo that I can’t do this. I can’t handle the pain, I want to go to the hospital so I can have a c-section! Margo validated my feelings and said it was a necessary process to go through to meet my prince, that I came very far and it is normal that I’m tired. She added, if you really feel you need to transfer, get your stuff ready or see how you feel in 3-5 more minutes and reassess.

‍

11:50 am: Now in the bedroom the head is getting closer. My husband is just encouraging me. When I watch the video, I love how amazing he’s being and how he really held space for me to do my thing. He didn’t project any fear on me.

‍

12-12:12 pm: I am standing and holding my husband's neck, each contraction I lift my legs off the ground. It instinctively felt good to float in the air and let gravity do the work. My husband was a soldier during this time, he held my whole 200 lbs on his neck and carried me through. He was taking videos and pictures the whole time.

‍

"First thing I asked my husband was if the baby's face was blue"

‍

12:13 pm: The head finally crowned, his head was halfway out. Then another contraction his head was fully out.

‍

First thing I asked my husband was if the baby's face was blue. There was a lot of mucus that came out of his nose and my husband said he looks like he’s trying to gasp. I told my husband “Suck the mucus out of his nose, suck and spit out” so he did and the baby was fine.

‍

12:24 pm: 3 contractions later, head is still out but the body is still inside. The next minute, he came out and my husband caught him. I had my phone in my hand so I was able to quickly catch that moment. I don’t remember how I managed to do that but I’m so glad I did. Such an unforgettable moment. Seeing the joy in my husband's eyes holding his first son. Hearing my son cry and realizing that we did it finally.

‍

My husband facetimed my mom as soon as he was out and breastfeeding. She was in utter shock. The night before at 10pm she thought we had gone to the hospital. Her, my grandma and my daughter rushed to us. I had blood on my legs and feet, I didn’t know anything, my brain was mush. My mom was so in awe of me and in disbelief. She helped me and cleaned the blood off my legs and feet.

‍

We had a clamp from my daughter's birth and some scissors. I told my husband to go boil them. I had a small elastic for the second clamp and we cut the cord.

‍

"Mom brought her scale from home and we weighed Alonzo, he was 11lbs!"

‍

Mom brought her scale from home and we weighed Alonzo, he was 11lbs!

‍

My son slept peacefully all night. I thought about how my daughter, her first night home, cried all night from the trauma of the c-section.

‍

Don’t remember when she said it but my mom told me I’m her hero and that thinking of what I did makes her tear up. That was a special moment because my mom never got to experience vaginal birth and I couldn’t believe she said I’m her hero.